Ghosts of Lifetimes Past.....

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you get thrown a curve ball. You live, you learn, you finish the chapters in your life and move on. But what happens when someone opens a book you thought was long finished? The "what ifs" and "I should haves" begin rolling around in your head. But is it enough to reconsider the direction your headed in?

The past will always shape the future, but to what extent? I guess the real question is, "How much do I want it to?". Only I can answer that, but I have to be completely honest about intentions, desires & reality.

The past, both good & bad, is what has built me up to be where I am now. I truly like who I am and how I've grown. And although in hindsight I would have made better decisions at certain points in my life, I understand that it is a constant learning process. I have lived through many experiences and look forward to many more, whatever they may be. But I can't help but wonder.....

Life's Directions

Just when I think I've got things figured out, something usually happens to change things up. I thought I'd come home, put down roots again and raise my family. Well, obviously that's not so. I'm now divorced and raising my 3 boys on my own. But everything happens for a reason. We may not always readily see the reason and/or purpose of an event in our lives immediately, but eventually we come to the understanding of its purpose in our lives.

I never thought I would ever have the chance to cultivate a relationship with my sister Jennifer. In fact, I thought I had lost her. One of my greatest wishes came true this year and I have been able to not only re-establish communication with her, but I have been able to spend time with her and her family twice!

During my last visit to Utah it became clear to me that it's time to move forward with my life and build a better future for my boys. Although I am so happy to be back in my beloved islands, the next step for us is in Utah. I have begun the relocation process and am so excited to see what the future holds. Not only will I be able to open up a whole world of opportunities for my children, I will also be able to cultivate my relationship with my lost family.

There is no definite map for life....just guidelines. I can't wait for the next chapter in our lives to begin!

Fork in the Road

So I find myself realizing that the next few decisions I make will impact my life and the lives of my children forever. I have a great life here in the islands and am amazingly blessed. I'm lucky enough to be able to work in my passion and dance in 3 different polynesian shows here in town. However, with the state of the economy as it is, it's certainly not ideal for getting ahead in life.

Opportunities have begun to present themselves in another state and I've progressed beyond simply flirting with the idea of relocating. In a few days I will be on a plane, heading to Salt Lake City. I am excited with the thought of what may lay ahead and yet saddened by what I have to leave behind. The purpose of my trip will be to "test the waters" and see if I can lay the foundation for a prosperous future.

As a single mom, the consequences of my choices will fall on the shoulders of my children as well. With that in mind, I am constantly vigilant of my choices and equally frightened at the same time. So here's hoping that a polynesian dancing, hard working single mom makes the right choice and walks down the path that leads to a blessed life for my children.

Stay tuned for my decision....